posted by david giacalone @ 7:51 AM
Return visitors might note that this senryu has been edited from:frigid first dateshe scrapesmy ice windshieldRoberta Beary was good enough to email me with a suggestion that the original posted version of this poem didn't need either "frigid" nor "icy", since scraping the windshield makes the point.I believe taking out both adjectives would make the poem too ambiguous (e.g., is she in a hurry to get back to my place? trying to make a good impression?) But, I agree with Roberta that "icy" is redundant. Also, on reflection, "chilly" works better than the connotation and alliteration of using "frigid."Do you agree with my basic notion that a senryu is usually more closed and opinionated than a haiku. The author of a senryu is suggesting a viewpoint along with the observation -- even if also prodding the reader to disagree.
i like the revised version. i'm new to haiku/senryu/tanka but i enjoy it and love the way just a few syllables can convey loads of thought. thanks for the good read.b.s.
Thank you, b.s. and Dustin. I've been wondering whether Dustin's mom used to like his School Photos.
david,i agree with roberta.city rain the gleam of the street lightsin her patent leather shoes
haiku or senryu? and why?first date her house the laston a dead end street stray cat its tail curls into a ?winter solstice we discuss the oddsof finding his birth mother** published in modern haiku spring2003
Edward, Back in my day, you could only give terse answers, with no explanation, if you agreed with the Host. Otherwise, you had some 'splainin' to do. Feel free to give us your theories about the senryu genre.
Is this literal? Or a metaphor? Or, maybe, both?
Dear Anonymous Poet, All I can say is "yes."
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david giacalone ("dagosan") looks at the foibles and ironies of the human condition, using poems structured like haiku but called "senryu", and with an occasional photo "haiga" (an image with a linked poem).
. haiku advocate trying to keep a Beginner's Mind ... former lawyer-mediator...... editor of f/k/a weblog ... Born 1949, but a few body parts occasionally feel much younger.. . . a/k/a dagosan
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